ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
