What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
