All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
