trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
