Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
