There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
