I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
