My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
