franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
