what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
