some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
