I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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