3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am puke
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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