dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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