i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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