I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
