i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
