Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
