ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I should be sponsored by Trojan
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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