I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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