Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
