was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
