God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
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still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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