You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
