I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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