Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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