My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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