Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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