Yo dont text me then not text me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
