If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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