For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
