conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
