I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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