so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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