you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
