I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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