Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize