She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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