he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
