I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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