I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
