my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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