This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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