Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
did you just send me my own nude
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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