Whoa Z and x make the same sound
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
