So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize