Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
