Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
