You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
please don't ironically join a cult
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