He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
