You're so nebulous sometimes
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
