Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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