Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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