Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
