so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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