I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
