ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
