I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
