I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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