Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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