It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
