I want to make a zoo with you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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