butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Umm I'm too high to move.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
ttyl tear gas
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
