Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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