yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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