I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
