Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
