the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
