yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
