Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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