i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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