I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
