I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
