in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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