Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
