also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
