Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
