mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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