he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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