how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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