its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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