And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
