Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
