I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
