You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
