please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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