After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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