You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
