But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
