i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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